Saturday, 27 December 2008

Hurtful words

I'm at a point where I don't know if I can be forgiven. I've said the most cruel words. I've said them to her. They didn't have the same meaning when they were being arranged in my head. She says it's ok, but at the end of the day my hands freeze when they touch her and I return to bed still dripping with shame. I should never have even let my voice be heard on the subject. I don't ever want to hurt her. And I have. More than someone could if they tried. Don't let me forget this. Don't let me make the same mistake ever again.


Sunday, 21 December 2008


It's a sweaty night. I'm lying in bed, on my phone. My girlfriend has been staying with my family for several days now and I think it's done us all some good. With someone else around, we stay mostly on our best behaviour. My family have embraced her and it makes me so happy. My new computer has arrived and is amazing. I'm finally able to run a certain videogame on full screen and with some nice filters applied. My mate asked my girlfriend how she managed to hold any of my attention now that my new computer had a certain maternal game (3rd in the series) installed. She came back with a suitably naughty comment pertaining to the various ways she could hold my attention. Since she's been here I haven't played many videogames to any real extent. Hmmm... We'll have to change that.

Enjoy the break and pause to reflect on the Saviour come to earth this Christmas.

With love,


P.S. Despite the new laptop, no internet connection means further use of my phone for blogging purposes.

Saturday, 13 December 2008

Thanks, everyone

Thank you for cheering me up.
Thank you for offering to have a beer with me.
Thank you for reaffirming that you care.
Thank you for the early Christmas present (even though I already have that book).
Thank you for your humour.
Thank you for your patience.
Thank you for sharing in my distress.
Thank you for dissipating my fears.

Much love,


Friday, 12 December 2008

And the tally's complete

I've become a bigger burden on everyone. I've let down those that I care about the most. Dad says that it's just a small hurdle. It offers a bigger obstacle than he would guess, I'm sure. Thanks for sticking by me, those of you that will. And to those that might not: It's been great. I'll miss you.


Wednesday, 10 December 2008

Summer blues

I'm lying in bed. My face is sore with sunburn for the first time since I started this job. I just took off my hat and completely forgot.

Mostly my job consists of letting people down waterslides, supervising the water playground and watching people float by on rubber tubes. It's a nice summer job. Sometimes I crave monotony, but lately it just gets me thinking about things I'd like to fix.

Of which I could talk all day.

Let me just say that her family is giving her a hard time about me. Her mother is particularly unhappy. It's getting to the point where the things she says are childish snaps that I find hard to believe could come from an educated person's mouth. She must be intelligent. She just appears to be very childish when it concerns her daughter's dating habits.

I won't say any more on the topic.

It seemed a pleasant day, the day she graduated. I at least was proud of her and even though I haven't witnessed all her hard work over the years, I'm overjoyed to celebrate in the accomplishment the ceremony was in honour of. Too spiteful? Perhaps.

As I thought... It is difficult typing this out on my little phone keypad...

Let me finish by saying this. Every dejected text I recieve from her, and every down-trodden email that I find in my inbox is a beautiful, yet tragic reminder that she hasn't given up on me yet. She knows I won't give up on her.

Thanks, Babe, for pushing on. I pray things will get easier, and that your mother's heart will soften.