Monday, 28 December 2009

Final message

This blog will be shut down shortly. No further posts will made.

Thanks for sharing it with me.


Saturday, 26 December 2009

Help wanted!

I need someone to help me clean up this little song I'm working on. There are some clumsy rhymes and it doesn't flow well in places. Please help!

Anyway, here it is...

"It's yours," said a mother and a father to their son,
"From the dreams of the night to the warmth of the sun,
"Find meaning where you will in this world of fun."
So I took what's mine with a smile.

From the cradle to the street, where I found my place
There, a lass caught my eye, t'ward her I faced
Pulling back the veil of soft, white lace,
I took what's mine with a smile.

I built her a roof and four walls sound,
Her heart opened up and her form grew round,
But we laid the babe in the muddy ground.
I took what's mine with a tear.

I walked from the grave through a yard of frost.
With my daughter's life came a greater cost;
The smile and the love of my life I'd lost.
There was naught of mine, but fear.

As I left the wardens of my heart,
My soul ached for a fresh, new start.
My life I'd owned and my blade was sharp.
I took what's mine with a smile.

Monday, 21 December 2009

Nothing strengthens a resolve...

...Like waking up and realising that, yes, you did eat that many hamburgers.

My hair still looks dorky, but that's just the kinda guy I am. My innards are still misbehaving.

I'm getting rather excited. I'll be spending Christmas with a dear friend. I'll also be preparing for being on the college ministry team very soon. I can't wait!

Have a fantastic Christmas, y'all. I hope this time allows for peace and reflection, even though everything is usually terrifyingly chaotic.


Thursday, 17 December 2009

Hair brush woes

What chance do I have, with ears that stick out
And freckles all over my face?
My little eyes bulge, or so I'm told,
And my hair won't stay in its place.

I look at my sister, though nobody's kissed her,
There'll be guys lining up for sure.
But I can't keep my frocks free from muddy brown spots.
How much longer must I be four?

When I'm five, says my Dad, there'll be school to be had.
I'll be certified, ranked and reviewed.
But Dad, I'm afraid that I won't make the grade.
Will nothing improve my mood?

So many concerns for life's twists and turns,
But Mummy and Daddy don't care.
Reading and writing all sound exciting,
But I can't even manage my hair!

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

Thanks, y'all

Thank you for a successful shopping trip. Thanks for a good chat. Thanks for support.

Congrats on a successful dinner party. Congrats on a cool new look. Guess I'm just a dork. Always will be. And quite content with that fact.

I'd better wake up early enough to remove my purple and pink nail polish before work.

Sweet dreams,

I love you, and I'll never stop,


Thursday, 10 December 2009

I still prefer "raisins"

But you're right. "Balls" is more appropriate.

I like this chaotic feeling. It's nicer than the stressed-out, paranoid feelings I've been having.

It's like everyone's a potential victim!

I'm sneaking up behind you...



Have a great night/day/morning/whatever.


P.S. I'll have my way with you. And you. And especially you. No person will be left un-hugged!

Wednesday, 9 December 2009


So much so that I don't care about spelling.

My chest is constricted. My breathing is shallow. It's like an asthma attack, crossed with a panic attack.

But I think I'll be ok. I know this is right.

*collapses in a heap*

Have I really done enough to qualify?

Be scared. Be happy, but be scared.

If I'm worthwhile, don't let me rot in waiting. Txt me, or email me.

No more waiting, I guess.

Lots of love,

A shaking TSC.

Sunday, 6 December 2009

You're right.

It is because I'm lonely.

I hate it when I have too much time to think.

I'm not pining. I just really want to spend time with you.

Stationed on the river

My summer job is one of endless watching, waiting and ensuring safety. Today I walked up and down my section of river, yelling at children, giving the occasional high five.

It's kinda nice to be recognisable as the only guard who hasn't got blonde tips and spiked hair. This year there is one other guy with a beard, though.

I hope everyone's had a smashing weekend!


How can the practical option... anything other than God's option?

Psalm 37:4

The practical option won't be someone with money, or job security, but security of faith. They will love good and trust in the Lord. They will love you.

Matthew 6:25-33

They might have a house, a car and a large income, but will they leave you to cycle to church each Sunday by yourself? Will you be left to pray alone everyday?

Philippians 2:1-11

That one's a passage for me to reflect on. All too often I let myself think I've got it all figured out. I feel like I have something better than those around me. Let my concern for you not be selfish, or driven out of conceited piety, but driven out of love given by the Spirit. Let me learn to control myself.

I'm not claiming to be someone who's right for ANYONE. But it's easy to see who's not right.

I'm so thankful you see it too.

Thank you for lovely days in the sun. Thank you for walks in the park. Thank you for nice meals together with friends.

I love you, see you soon,


Tuesday, 1 December 2009

C is for committed, a veritable thorn in your side.

L is for lovesick, when I look into your eyes.
I is for instantly, I miss you when you're gone.
N is for nuisance, why do I text you all day long?
G is the guarantee that I won't disappear.
Y is you yelling: Please get him out of here!

An ode to all those guys who fall and fall hard... then don't know how to cope.



Monday, 30 November 2009

Convoluted? I hope so.

Otherwise, if everything I wanted to articulate came out clearly, you'd run a mile. Isn't it lucky, then, that I must post from my phone and its tiny keypad?

I hope you've recovered and detoxed and are back on track.

I'm determined to be what you ask for, even if - in the end - I'm not what you want. I wish my efforts were brought about from a desire to improve myself for God, or for me, but right now I feel like not enough comes from there.

When all is said and done, I sometimes think that you're not really interested. You try and convince me of it, but then I see through it all. You want me to grow, to show what I'll become.

Thank you for that chance. I will keep working.


P.S. You gave me a scare recently. You might not have noticed. Please wait for me.

P.P.S. Don't respond via a comment to this particular post. As Rob says, "that stuff you write is soooo ambiguous". It's easier for people reading if it's that way. And I don't want to implicate you, my love.

P.P.P.S. I'd love a text or email about it, though.

Monday, 23 November 2009

Happy Birthday, Julia!

Thirty-three? Goodness... I'm not sure I can even count that high...

I hope you have a marvellous birthday! I'm very glad to hear that the "ticker's still tickin'" as Rob puts it!

It's always a shock to find that someone reads (well, I suppose "subscribes to" is very different from reading) this self-centred drivel.

Wishing you much love and happiness way up north!

I hope to come up one day to enjoy the sunshine!


Sunday, 22 November 2009

He has a plan

Psalm 37:3-6 (NIV)

Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

It's foolish to dwell on what I can't control. I need to accept that He has a plan.

Thank you, Lord. Grant me Your peace.


Is this asking too much?

I'm good at asking too much, but I didn't think I was asking too much today.

I wanted to smile. I wanted to study. I wanted to laugh. By and large, I did those things. But why couldn't you just say what I wanted to hear?

"I can't stand you"? Really? And you want someone perfect? Genetically engineered? What happened to "there are some things I dislike about you, but I wouldn't change a thing, because then you wouldn't be you."?

The aches and groans I feel each day are a reminder of the great gifts I've been given. It may hurt, but at least I can feel everything around me- everyone around me.

You are changing your tune. Do you have to do it publicly? Today? At least commit to the promise of friendship you made.

I will spill blood if that one is ever broken.

Try me.


P.S. I'm wearing my boots today, because the rain claimed my sneakers. I think my shoes might be ruined, too.

age ++

I got me a birthday present! Can't wait 'til my Pig Rabbit arrives from Korea!

I'll be thi-i-i-i-i-is happy (see below)!

Friday, 20 November 2009

Easy does it...

Don't ever hide the truth from me. How can anything be done if some facts are hidden? Say what you mean. And, if you mean it, like you say you do, then don't withdraw it.

I had a nice day today of post-exam destressing. Now that'd make more sense if I'd finished...

But it was nice to just relax and watch an on-screen love story unfold in a very silly/cute way. Thank you for not running away after everything that's happened. Thank you for bringing me to have a fun picnic (indoors!) with your friends. Thank you for understanding and promising to care for me and for being the best friend possible. When my world crumbled, you reminded me of God's awesome power. You reminded me of how beautiful friendship can be. Thank you for shining the high beams on, leaving me exposed, and showing me that when everything is out in the open, that you'll still run along side me. Excuse the in joke, there.

Thank you, Lord, for such a friend.

Thank you, Lord, for all my friends.

People, speak the truth. The last few weeks have been amazing, because not once did I ever have to probe to find answers. The answers were laid out. No one second guessed. The honest truth was all I received.



...Everyone dislikes statistics. Congrats to those who have ploughed through the painful topics and silly assignments.

Sticking around unless something better comes along? That one hurt the most. You know why? Ask anyone.

I don't think I've met anyone "better". Quantifiably and statistically.

You will always be as close to my heart as a person can be. Thank you, dear friend, for not throwing me aside.

I know your exam today will go well and I look forward to a time of relaxation afterward.

I pray that my study will be fruitful over over the next few days and that I will keep level-headed and glorify God in whatever I do.


Thursday, 19 November 2009


Welcome to the new phase.

I'm not going to think in the way I used to. I'm just going to care for the people around me as best I can. Once This exam's over, it'll be bliss. God has looked after me this far, and I know He'll never leave me.

I can't wait to watch some more You're Beautiful tomorrow. And a nice picnic in the evening will be lovely.

I've had a bit of a confusing ride over the last day or so. People really do care about me. They've gone out of their way each day to ensure that I'm staying afloat. Thank you best friends, parents, tutors, etc.

I'm going to calm down and just sit this one out for a few rounds.

I pray that picnics and drama watching, paddle steamer rides and milkshakes, will all be relaxing and equip me for the summer break. I can't wait to spend more time with a certain friend and some lovely pixels. Him and I will have some fun this holidays, too.

A random thought... Mother 3 and You're Beautiful appeal to me for the same reasons. I enjoy the scenario where the pure and innocent teaches the corrupted or world-weary, and in the case of Mother 3, tears the world down to build it anew.

Barely a connection? Perhaps.


Wednesday, 18 November 2009

Much better compliment

Thank you for a wonderful day of joy, study and increasing my nail polish collection. You're right. Your second attempt at that compliment was much better.

I've got four lectures to finish reading before I go to sleep for a couple of hours. I hope I cover enough material.

When I asked what you thought of my review, I didn't mean you to critique my reviewing style.


I was merely asking whether you thought it was fair.

Thinking more about it (how could I not?), I'd have to say that these kind of dramas play out a lot like cartoons. They're over-the-top, with lots of internal monologuing, and an unnatural, story-book timing. Comparing it to something like Life on Mars, it's easy to see how very differently scenes can be constructed.

I don't know why I chose to mention Life on Mars. I guess because it's the first thing I've watched since finishing episode 12 of 미남이시네요.

And yes, that's the very next thing I'll be watching with you once exams are over.

Back to study, I suppose...



Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Otaku still applies, right?

Even though it's Korean?

Well, I'm not sure if it's the right word (well, I am sure- I'm just not sure if I am an otaku) but I am certain that I've downloaded wallpapers, YouTubed the soundtrack and even found myself whistling the theme tune.

Sounds otaku to me.

I've been watching 미남이시네요 / Minami Shineyo / You're Beautiful as a reward for studying and it's... turned into more than that. I've watched all 12 episodes that have aired so far, even though I only started watching several days ago. Each episode goes for a little over an hour, so it's been a fair amount of TV time.

It's the story of a fragile girl from a convent, Go Mi Nyu, who is training to be a nun, but instead is whisked into a life of celebrity. Not only is she a fish-out-of-water in this respect, but she has to pretend to be her twin brother (Mi Nam), who was intending to join a pop group before some touch-up surgery went... wrong. So while he's being repaired, she must keep alive his dream of being famous enough to be contacted by their missing mother.

The three guys from the pop group are an entertaining bunch. There's the impatient, angsty, king-of-the-hill, (adorable?) Tae Kyung. There's the kind-hearted, charming, (dreamboat?) Shin Woo. And there's the fun-loving, childish, slightly paranoid, Jeremy (yeah, he's cute too). There are also many side characters, like Mi Nyu's funny manager, Ma, who is the one who implements the plan, as well as the nasty celebrity princess, Yoo He Yi, who tries to make trouble for Mi Nyu wherever she can.

The story is made up of sinister characters setting obvious traps for the heroes, while all the time, a series of contrived misunderstandings result in a lot of emotional confusion. Some of the funniest miscommunications revolve around Jeremy and his fears that the new band member is here to seduce his buddies (and he wants to keep any potential man-lovin' out of the pop group - until he begins to question his own sexuality).

The acting is suited to a more comedic version of our midday television programs, with plenty of comic relief (although it gets a little sparse later on) in between the long looks of angst/betrayal/longing/despair/etc.

I get the impression that a lot of kdramas follow a similar pattern in terms of themes and I would probably be happy to sit through some others if I got any recommendations.

It may not sound like a good review, but I can assure you that I'm hooked. The interactions between characters ooze cuteness and there is enough excitement to tie one episode to the next. You'll enjoy hating the bad guys as well as watching the cute cast stumble around each other in a beautifully mistimed dance.

If you've got the kind of personality that gets addicted to TV serials, then I suggest you steer clear until you've got enough time on your hands to afford watching several episodes at a time.


P.S. I'm not sure if it's a cultural thing, but sometimes the show's concept of love is a little strange... It seems to be that the way they fall in love with a person is when they're the one who makes the tummy feel funny... even if there are few other characteristics about the person to like.

Monday, 16 November 2009

Breathe easy

Now isn't the time to panic. I'm just short of breath.

Today was really nice.

It's just now that it's over, I'm going into shock.

Today was good. Today was good. Today was good. Why is tonight not very good?

I want a hug.


I let you down again

I'm sorry. Let me try harder. I let myself down, too.

Hopefully, I can still salvage this.

Maybe I did. Just.

Sunday, 15 November 2009

Lovin' Windows 7

YouTube video in parts, with subtitles, download tutorial

I have found a fantastic way of getting episodes of a certain Korean drama I've wanted, English subs and all, without the hassle of subscribing to a video sharing sight, or having to wait several days until various free accounts reset and allow me to have enough quota to download the next episode!

It's not exactly hassle-free, but it works, and I like the results.

Here are the steps:

1. Install Video DownloadHelper for Firefox.

2. Install Greasemonkey for Firefox, along with this guy's code for ripping captions off YouTube videos.

3. Install Media Player Classic.

4. Find the parts of the episodes you want to watch on YouTube, and download the high quality versions using DownloadHelper.

5. At the base of the video, if you've got the Greasemonkey code for downloading captions running, a drop-down menu should appear, from which you can select the appropriate subtitles. They will open in a new tab. Select this tab, then go to File -> Save Page As, then save them as the same title as the video/part, except with the extension, .srt, which is the subtitle format.

e.g. "MYSHOW E01"

6. Once you have downloaded all the parts and all their associated subtitles, open a text document in Notepad, and follow the example form, to create your complete episode playlist (making sure that there is a blank line after the last part - include the "MPCPLAYLIST" at the top of the file):

1,filename,MYSHOW E05 P1.mp4
1,subtitle,MYSHOW E05
2,filename,MYSHOW E05 P2.mp4
2,subtitle,MYSHOW E05
3,filename,MYSHOW E05 P3.mp4
3,subtitle,MYSHOW E05
4,filename,MYSHOW E05 P4.mp4
4,subtitle,MYSHOW E05
5,filename,MYSHOW E05 P5.mp4
5,subtitle,MYSHOW E05
6,filename,MYSHOW E05 P6.mp4
6,subtitle,MYSHOW E05
7,filename,MYSHOW E05 P7.mp4
7,subtitle,MYSHOW E05

7. Save this file with the extension .mpcpl, and you have just created a correctly formatted Media Player Classic Play List file. Yay!

8. Continue this process for each episode, until you have the whole series!

9. Run the .mpcpl file (with Media Player Classic) for each episode to watch an entire episode through, subs and all.

10. Run around in the sun for a while, then get back to watching Korean dramas!

I hope this tutorial helps someone. It took me a while to come up with a good solution- I'm using a VPN connection that has disabled torrents, and because of the nature of the connection, Rapidshare, etc. think I've always gone over my download quota for the day...

Not too bad at all, I say.


Friday, 13 November 2009

If you plan to grow up,

Abandon those plans and run with me.

Today was beautiful. Really beautiful. I think I'd better go to bed now, so that all of it remains as such. Hmmm... I feel a headache coming on...

I didn't get the study done I'd hoped for, but instead, I was insulted in the most complimentary way (or complimented in the most insulting way?). And it was beautiful. I bothered someone when they were trying to study- I'm sure to the annoyance of her friend. And it was beautiful. I received forgiveness and concern and love from another dear friend. And it was beautiful.

Thank you, God, for giving me assurance and showing me your great love. Help me understand and be ready for new directions and help me be armed with love for the battles ahead.


Deviance or conformity?

I don't care which one it is. I want to be that way. I want to enjoy being a little left of centre, having a lust for life and... other things...

I want someone who won't mind going places. Fun places. All in good time.


P.S. I'm really looking forward to an escape. A geographic escape. I've had a lot of fun lately, but freedom is what I'm craving right now.

P.P.S. Thank you for hugs, however brief. They can always make my day.

P.P.P.S. I hope someone can handle me. Better yet, I hope people want to jump on board.

P.P.P.P.S. Wow. Sorry about another cryptic post. Hope this clears things up. Didn't think so.

Sunday, 8 November 2009

Mr. Saturn

Well, it's no secret that I enjoy the Mother series by Shigesato Itoi/Nintendo and some of the most well know characters from the series are the little beings called the Mr. Saturns.

These creatures live in Saturn Valley, and are particularly good inventors (escpecially good, considering they have no hands). They speak in a curly language which is basically English, in an odd font, with extra "zooms" and "boings" thrown in. They have huge noses. They each wear a bow in their single strand of hair. They have whiskers. They are all called Mr. Saturn. Even the female ones. They try hard to aid the protagonists in any way they can.

They also seem adorable.

Here's one of the in-game sprites, so you can see how they appear in the games.

Now, upon seeing that sprite, and getting to know the way these little creatures interact, it's easy to see them as cutesy, Japanese, cartoon characters. Make them a little, round ball, and you've got yourself one of the cutest things around.

Even though this cutesy, chubby approach is mimicked in the plush toys and other merchandise of the series, if we take purely the sprite as a guide, these creatures can end up looking...

...completely different.

Once they start taking on slightly more human features, and certain parts (which are left to the imagination in the sprite) are filled in and guessed at, we see that they can look rather odd.

Well, that's enough procrastination for today. Time to try and pass this Statistics exam.


P.S. Sketches by me, sprite copyright Nintendo/Shigesato Itoi. Hope you like 'em.

P.P.S. Apparently, if one doesn't find them cute, an image search of "mr saturn plush" is enough to convert you.

Thursday, 5 November 2009

And a dog

Sun Vector

Here is a vector, created from the sun sketch I did, while listening to Sunshine by Old Man River. It's probably still on my header as well.

The bed one's coming along nicely, too.


Time to fight

I think time is the key word here. That's the one everyone keeps throwing at me. Let your heart settle. When have you known me to have a "settled heart"? Give it time and everything will come together. But it needs to be through my actions that anything gets done, so when should I start? You'll need time to get over her. Getting over her is not something I intend to ever do. I don't think that's the point of it. You've got too much to worry about at this important time.

All times are important. At this stage of our lives, all times are times of transition. I believe I will always be growing, and if growth is change, then I'll always be changing.

This fight may be one in which I humble myself before those who wish to persecute me. But it also may be one of heartache and fury. I may finally be able to tear the earth from beneath us.

I pray that you'll all brave the storm with me. I pray that you'll find comfort in the Lord and that He will protect you. I pray that I'll have so much strength next year, to be supportive and strong for those seeking guidance and refuge from a troubling world.

Let Jesus be at the forefront of any battle I might wage. I pray that there needn't be a battle, but merely softened hearts ready to accept. It's time for everyone to do some growing up. I mean everyone.

Bring it.




Thank you, everyone, for your prayers.

Tonight was going to be the last Bible study for a while, but instead, we've decided to keep meeting each Wednesday until we're kicked out of our respective places of dwelling. That's good news indeed.

Now I just need to manage my studies. I've been missing deadlines, as I set them. It's hard to keep an eye on the big picture when other things creep into view. A smile that won't leave my mind, for example. My head returns to promises I'm told to break. I curl up. It's easier when I can look into her eyes.

Everything's easier in another's arms. There's a point where you know there's nothing you can do for the next little while. Your time isn't your own. It's shared. Just like your heart.

My heart doesn't belong to me.

Do I epitomise "needy"? Perhaps. It's more that my life is spinning. I'm trying to grab onto things. But I can't even take hold of an empty marmalade jar.

Do you think the same things are beautiful?

Will you let me dive into your soul?

Unlike Alice, I'm not moving slow enough to see.

But do I want it to stop spinning because I've fallen into loving arms? Or should I be strong enough to take control? Should I just hide?

I feel you around me. I'm scared you'll disappear. Please don't disappear.


P.S. Gimme a break. I need one of these posts every now and again.

Wednesday, 4 November 2009

Is your bed made? Is you sweater on?

Last night, many important things transpired, not the least of which was my grandfather adding me on a certain social networking site. Is he ready for it? Let's hope so.

But of all the important declarations last night, and all the important decisions made, something strange stuck with me more than I thought it would.

I have a whole world of music to explore from this new stage in my life.

It sounds odd, but it's very exciting. My music tastes are extremely varied, but I've found a friend who can show me something new. It reminds me of Daniel Kitson's We Are Gathered Here. During the aforementioned show, Kitson talks at one stage about how profound it was when his best friend sat him down and proceeded to show him the kind of music he would from that day onward have a preference for. I have my own tastes, but expanding them is a mouth-watering prospect.

These days I like listening to music from Antony and the Johnsons, Fleet Foxes, The Shins, Ben Kweller, The Last Shadow Puppets, Belle and Sebastian, Old Man River, The Bees, Glasvegas, Vampire Weekend, Barenaked Ladies, Ben Harper, Tally Hall, Little Dragon, The Triffids, The Wombats, Yves Klein Blue, Augie March...


...Stimmhorn, The Cat Empire, Colin Hay, Jack Johnson, Sun Ra, The Kinks, The Clientele, Jeff Buckley, The Small Faces, Yoko Kanno, José González...

The list goes on.

All of a sudden, I can feel a shift. I can feel new appreciations. Bring it on! Never mind the other life-changing decisions.

Studying with full force,


P.S. I have to thank my sister, Kim, for most of my musical influences thus far. Great work, Kimikins!

Tuesday, 3 November 2009

A new colour scheme

Just like my blog, my life has a new colour scheme. Like the colours here, it can be clear and gentle when looking one day, while sad and wistful another. The colours don't change (unless you mouse-over the sketches), but the way I interpret them does.

I'm also feeling naked. I shaved off my beard for a costume party on the weekend. It won't take long before I'm back to normal.

A friend stayed over last night. We walked through an abandoned residential college nearby. We had a chat with mutual friends. It was a great evening. I hope we both learned a little, as well.

I hope my head pulls itself together quickly. I want to be strong. I want to be worthwhile.


My words are all I have...

I wish I could make you see... But your heart must be open to hear it.


Monday, 2 November 2009

Here I am, Lord

    I, the Lord of sea and sky,
    I have heard my people cry.
    All who dwell in dark and sin,
    My hand will save.

      Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
      I have heard you calling in the night.
      I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
      I will hold your people in my heart.

    I, who made the stars of night,
    I will make their darkness bright.
    Who will bear my light to them?
    Whom shall I send?

      Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
      I have heard you calling in the night.
      I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
      I will hold your people in my heart.

    I, the Lord of snow and rain,
    I have borne my people’s pain.
    I have wept for love of them.
    They turn away.

      Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
      I have heard you calling in the night.
      I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
      I will hold your people in my heart.

    I will break their hearts of stone,
    Give them hearts for love alone.
    I will speak my words to them.
    Whom shall I send?

      Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
      I have heard you calling in the night.
      I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
      I will hold your people in my heart.

    I, the Lord of wind and flame,
    I will send the poor and lame.
    I will set a feast for them.
    My hand will save.

      Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
      I have heard you calling in the night.
      I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
      I will hold your people in my heart.

    Finest bread I will provide,
    'Til their hearts be satisfied.
    I will give my life to them.
    Whom shall I send?

      Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
      I have heard you calling in the night.
      I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
      I will hold your people in my heart.
Daniel L. Schutte

This is the song that's been going through my head for days. I remember when Dad used to sing it to us when we were little'uns. A song is an easy thing to hold an association. Other things bring back memories, strange things. Things that take a while to fully form an image, but are so specific, and the memories they conjure are so potent that we'll forever have that connection between sensation and event.

One thing for me is the smell of whiskey sauce.

Whiskey sauce brings back memories of a day at the beach, then an evening listening to Spanish guitar, having scotch fillets with mustard, green beans and roast potatoes. It reminds me of clay pouring jugs and fancy silverware. And a green tablecloth.

It reminds me of Bible study in the evening, then meditation, while listening to an old record.

Now begins a period of intense study. Thank you, Lord God, for the support network that keeps pulling me up when everything looks bleak.


Thursday, 29 October 2009


Why isn't there any? There's so much to be confused about. Simple things are where I need to keep my mind.

When I keep thinking about what is good and what is simple, I feel such joy. And it's made me happy. I want to sing. This morning I did. I can't sing quietly, though. Unless I sing with strength, I can't hit the notes.

Thank you, Lord God, for song.


Wednesday, 28 October 2009

The flowers that bloom in the spring, Tra la

Breathe promise of merry sunshine —
As we merrily dance and we sing,
Tra la,
We welcome the hope that they bring,
Tra la,
Of a summer of roses and wine,
Of a summer of roses and wine.
And that's what we mean when we say that a thing
Is welcome as flowers that bloom in the spring.
Tra la la la la,
Tra la la la la,
The flowers that bloom in the spring.

Wow. It's been too long since I saw a G&S. Better fix that, methinks.

My nails are all one colour, for once. I couldn't help it. I saw the sunlight on the new growth on the trees and I couldn't help but dress to match.

Colours make me happy. Spending time in God's creation makes me happy. My friend keeps looking over his shoulder at me. Are you sure you're alright? You're not going to... explode?

Nope. Not today. Today I'll smile. Today I'll enjoy a picnic. Today I'll hear the drums. Today I'll watch the bees.

Dad says I should eat lots of fatty foods. A friend suggests watching a chick flick. Another suggests taking her chocolate supply.

Nope. I'll be fine. Thank you, Lord, for the strength that I could never have had on my own! Praise to God for the colours today.


From between sheets...

...using just my thumb. That's where this post comes from.

My friend's asleep on the air bed beside me. I kept him up talking far too long and he's got an exam tomorrow. Ah, tomorrow.

Tomorrow will afford me some more time to smile. I have my hours planned from 9am to 4pm and it feels good. There are few feelings that can beat knowing that for the next little while, I don't need to think about how to pass the time.

I'm optimistic. I might be jumping the gun, but I think that I'm safe right now. What does that mean? I think it means that where each foot fall lands, there will be solid ground. Even if my hopes don't come to fruition.

Dare I hope?

It appears I fell asleep. It's morning and I've just found my phone. This post is still unposted. There's snoring. My eyes are sore. And I have to give a demonstration in a few hours.

Bring it on.


Monday, 26 October 2009


It can't be true, can it? I was so scared... But why? Everything worked out. Everything will continue to progress.

So long as I trust in God. Not by my strength, but by His, will it come to fruition.

I fall on my knees. I truly don't deserve it. That's why it's called grace.

I'm so happy! I want to cry out and sing! It's all too beautiful.

It always was. I just had to see it.

Now it's time to pull together the strength I need for the coming exams. Let's do it!


Saturday, 24 October 2009

Ah, Dainty

Yes, it's back. My favourite restaurant is back and it's still got it.

After a brief transition period, Dainty Sichuan Food is alive and kicking (me in the stomach right now). I won't forget the enjoyable evening I had last night, and my tummy is making sure of it...

Despite the usual reaction to the chilli, I will definitely be back.

All things considered Dainty has changed for the better. It looks much nicer, it's bigger and the food we had last night was as good or better than that of the previous kitchen.

The five dishes we ordered between the four of us turned out to be a little extravagent. We ended up bagging a fair portion of it up to take home.

The Ants climbing a tree, which was a favourite of one of our party, from the old joint, returned to us with an extra bite. The kong pao chicken was as tasty as ever and the garlic cucumber helped to take the edge off when we were getting chillied out.

Our overall favourite was perhaps still the fish-flavoured eggplant, with its crunchy-on-the-outside, soft-on-the-inside, sweet, chilli-coated deliciousness.

The chilli coated beef strips were slightly improved with fresh chilli slices accompanying these spicy little guys.

The service was fast, but the bill was promtly delivered, discouraging people from lingering to enjoy the after-glow of the meal.

I feel I must return soon.

Thank you, dear friends, for joining me. I really did have a good night. I hope your tests/work/study go well. I hope we can do it all over again when my exams are over.


P.S. Thanks for the input, people who have mentioned my last post to me in person. I was surprised that it was that last topic that inspired the most dicussion.

Friday, 23 October 2009


I'm creepy. So very, very creepy. I don't think I'll ever be tested beyond what I can handle (for a given definition of "handle"), but when things start to fray, I do something very strange.

I feel like nothing could hurt me any more. I feel like I could tear at the earth beneath me and everyone around would fall in. When I think I have no sway over the hearts of people around me, I get the sensation of being all-powerful over the physical realm.

Next year I'll have a position of responsibility. I need to put others before myself. I need to filter anything I say. I need to try and live each day in the knowledge of God's great gift.

This might take some effort.

Let me give all that I have.

I need to be less...


Some of my favourite things that I need to cut back on are:

- Breathing down someone's neck from behind, when they don't know I'm around.
- Feigning a lust for random, slightly odd things.
- Smelling people's hair.
- Responding to the question, What're you doing later?, with unorthodox responses*.
- Pretending to have an uncontrollable urge to stroke the hair of someone in front of me in a lecture theatre, just to see how the people sitting beside me respond.

That's enough for the moment. I shouldn't give away all my tricks.

Yesterday was unforgettable. It might surprise people to know (maybe not if you've met me in person), but my favourite things to do usually involve a sunny day, a smile and a milkshake. Thank you for trusting me and thank you for caring for me. It was never your place to go out of your way, but you truly live as an example of the Lord at work in someone.

Thank you.


Some of my favourites responses include:
- "Why? What have you heard? Has someone ratted me out? Get off my back!"
- "I'm gonna go to my room, turn off the lights, turn on the music and weep."
- "I think I'll take to the streets with a machete and exact my own form of justice."
- "Anything, just promise you'll stay by my side."

Thursday, 22 October 2009

Cross the grass

Okay, that's done. Now there's gravel for a few feet. Now a concrete step. Another. Another. Still a few more. Do we need to count them? Yes. Here goes. One more, then we're at the top.

Where to from here? Ah, more path. Keep following. No choices about direction yet. Gotta keep thinking this through. There are people everywh- STOP!

Don't think about it. Don't you dare think about-

Got it. I won't think abou- Ah! You nearly did it again! Just get back to walking.

More concrete. Wait. What's that? There are buildings or something with doors and I could go in them or I could go around. Around where?

Too many questions. Just like the question of-

Shut. It.

Shut your head. Deal with everything later. Just shut it off. There. Much easier. Now we must name everything in front of us. Slowly.


My arm appears to have been ripped off.

Ah. This part might be hard to navigate. Another sense is kicking in. Pain? Aural pain? No, just a loud sound. What makes that sound? Sirens? Sirens are good. At least with all the noise, I won't be reminded of-



Tuesday, 20 October 2009

Night walking

Our city's treasures sleep peacefully. These were some of the results of my night prowling.


Well, Ames, it looks like I'm gonna have to rethink the basis for this blog.

One of my 4 constants just bailed. It'll be alright. Three outta four ain't bad.


P.S. Well, technically it didn't bail. There's nothing going to change any of them. It's just, well, you get it. It's not on any more.

P.P.S. It sucks... quite a lot, really.

P.P.P.S. I will manage, though.

Monday, 19 October 2009

Why do I worry?

Last night the sermon was about dispelling worry.

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
Luke 12:25-26

The minister talked about worrying about expenses and storing up treasures away from God. The opposite of being rich toward God. The dangers of a mentality that says the way to happiness is through expansive televisions and jewellery are obvious. There is nothing wrong with having wealth, if we endeavour to be rich toward God. It's only when we endeavour to be rich that we run into trouble.

Looking at my extended family, I see just how blessed I am. We aren't burdened by the money-chasing bug. It's a hollow pat on the back, when they commend you on your career options based on your salary potential. I don't want to hear about entrepreneurial opportunities and how to make a quick, secure dollar. What about a secure family life? A secure faith? God will take care of the rest. I just need faith.

It's still hard not to question why we do stupid things to hurt the people around us.

Ask the obvious questions. Why do I worry about the future?

What this generation needs is a war
But it’s hard to choose a side when you don’t know which is right
Cos all my friends are frustrated, boring or bored
Yes, they all derrain their minds without a good excuse as to why –
Lusting after yesterday's golden stars,
Ah well, maybe that just never happens any more

What this generation needs is a score –
Because we realise we can all get along
But no one is willing to drop their arms
Cos our forefathers have made reforms
To civil rights and moral law.
But now that fewer are maligned,
There’s less pushing us over the line
But, oh, we really ain’t that far –
Well, somehow none of that matters any more

And the result of all this is we’re rushing on our own
Cos we ain’t with the people we look like but we ain’t part of the whole
We almost understand our world but we’re resting on our laurels
And now my heart is shattered
We can’t even try, even when it matters

Oh so please don’t let me go without you
My heart never shows without you
Lately things have been so distant
And I don’t know what I can do to fix it
Why don’t you love me like you used to
Why do I worry about the future?
Is it just that how we manage is not by love, but force of habit
And if only I could be a man
Rip down all your dreams and plans
Smash in all of your pretty things so the only thing you could see was me
For what we’ve done should be a crime
We should be locked up so we never see the light
In the darkness we could see how worthless all our lives must be
If two lovers like us can drift apart
There must be something wrong with our hearts
And be something wrong with all of us to never care til things are lost

Why don’t you love me like you used to
Why do I worry about the future?

-- About the Future, Yves Klein Blue

Thanks for that. I really like the desperation in the singer's voice.

Some people have said they never understand my blog posts. All those who are confused by what I write should keep certain things in the back of their minds when they read my posts.

If you can't understand what I'm trying to say, then there's probably something fundamentally very wrong with you.

Or me.


P.S. Nah, it's definitely you.

Do something pretty while you can

On a beech tree, rudely carved
"NC loved me"
Why did she do it?
Was she scared?
Was she bored?

-- We Rule the School, Belle & Sebastian

It's very much like that. This song details the marks we leave, however insignificant, around us. That's all we're really doing. This blog contains the scribbles I've done, and the joys and gripes I've found in this world. It contains heart-felt dedications, screaming accusations and messages of love.

Do something pretty while you can.

Yesterday was a day filled with joy. I saw my younger sister publicly announce her dedication to life in the community of Christ.

Thank you, Lord, for my family and the amazing love in my life.


Friday, 16 October 2009

The process

I've been reading up a lot on sprite creation. I've read several tutorials and I thoroughly enjoy moving those tiny pixels around the screen until I'm happy with the result.

It's creative and time-consuming. For some reason the nerd in me appreciates the latter element. I also do sketches and write short stories, but there's something appealing about the amount of time that goes into a piece of work.

I really like Derek Yu's tutorial. I also like this one on spriting at The Cave of Dragonflies.

I've started in a slightly different way to both of them. I took one of my little SNES RPG-esque characters from a sprite I'd created earlier and now I want to realise a larger version.

I'll detail the process in this blog post over the next little while. Not all at once, just when I need to procrastinate.

Let's start from the beginning:

I like to work in Paint.NET, a freeware utility that lends itself well to sprite creation.

1) I took my original image and blew it up to a size I was happy with (using the "nearest colour" setting for resizing, and blowing it up to an integer multiple of 100% - only necessary if you're working with a smaller sprite).

2) I then took the pencil tool and outlined, in a cartoon fashion, my original creation (this was done in a new layer and with very little care given to exactness).

3) Keeping the original sprite open in another file (still in Paint.Net), after saving a new file, I removed the background image, leaving just my outline. I then proceeded to scour the outline and ensure that each line only had a width of 1 pixel. I also added a few touches to improve my original attempt.

Wednesday, 14 October 2009

Try and stop me

I couldn't. Here goes.

Tonight we studied Luke 12:13-35. We looked at these passages with the topic of Grace for the Anxious (this week's topic for Commitment Month, week 3). We all came away feeling that we really need to trust God a little more. Or a lot more. His timing is perfect. Using the knowledge from last week (that we need to come before God and ask for that which we don't deserve, and to be persistent about it) we admit that God knows our heart and our fears, and that if we're not afraid to ask, we will see His work.

His work might not be on our terms, like the man who asked Jesus to make his brother split the inheritance, but it will be in our best interests if we have faith.

The overwhelming feeling I have is one of standing on the precipice, looking into the void. It's not darkness, but it's completely obscured. I know certain things. I definitely don't know others. What's worse is knowing something, with a gnawing sensation that things aren't going to happen the way we anticipate.

That gnawing sensation needs to be replaced with a trust in God. Not a confidence in the outcome, but confidence in an outcome.

My misguided cry for help was along the lines of the man asking for the fortune to be split. I need to look out, as best I can, for others. I wish they'd look out for me, but it's not a requirement. In fact it's the opposite of how I should work.

I have to acknowledge the help I've been getting. Thank you. You might not realise, but it's been fantastic. I love how you never question my motives. The trust you've put in me has been uplifting. It's tough trying to be a person of integrity if no one thinks you can be. Thanks for letting me talk my nonsense. Yes, if you think there's a possibility it could be you I'm talking about, well, it is you I'm talking about.

Prayers for stability would be much appreciated. But most of all, prayers for trust in God are what I need.

Also please pray for my two sisters. One is getting confirmed this Sunday, which will be a joyous celebration of a commitment to life in Christ. The other is facing tough decisions in her walk with God.

Now to review this post.

I think it passes. I didn't say anything I might regret. I think.

I love you,


I'm late!

Well. I missed that tute. Ah, well.

What I'm really late for is a post to celebrate the anniversary of me publicly discussing my life in that established, egotistical way, that is my blog.

It's been a year, people!

I've written some 35,000 words just to fill in the time between assignments, parties, dates, etc.

But it's been more than that. It's been a way of expressing joy, venting anger and, well... Not much in between, really. I usually just have those two settings.


It has to be about me, doesn't it. Always bringing it back to self-absorbed little me.

Yeah, I'm pretty good.

Just looking back at my first post isn't as interesting as I'd hoped. I haven't moved far. Except what started out as an exercise in keeping my memory from slipping away, turned into something quite different. Even from the get-go.

Apart from being a way of showing my hobbies to other people, this blog has offered countless examples to me of how much people want to engage us. I've had offers of coffee, conversation, etc. I've had many words of encouragement. I've had several of desperation, too.

There are several overwhelming constants that I've identified throughout the posts. These undoubtedly reflect on who I am.

I note:

My over-enthusiasm for my own wit.
My apologetic nature.
My trust in God.
My love for a girl.

A love that won't ever fade.

Thanks for sticking around, y'all.


Monday, 12 October 2009

Back online

Sorry for scaring people. I got several messages of confusion and frustration.

I just need to work hard for a while.

I love you. See you all soon.


Friday, 9 October 2009

Not gonna play this...

Fantastic concept, though. A game in which the goals are uncertain, the purpose is perhaps counter-intuitive and rewards aren't what they seem.

Seriously. Check it out.

It's called lose/lose for a reason.

Thursday, 8 October 2009

Vanity in pixels

We all know I love me. Who wouldn't? But I love me more when I'm made of tiny coloured squares. We've all seen my little versions of me running about the blog.

Here are a few:

Then there's the larger, more isometric me.

Then I was inspired by some groovy, avatar-style portraits I saw... Somewhere. I wanted one! So I took a random photo (perhaps a poor choice - you'll see why) and decided to make some pixel art!

I didn't want to just run a filter over the photo. I wanted to do it by hand. When there are assignments to be done, everything else must be done with maximum amount of procrastination as the goal. Doing a pixel portrait by hand was the logical choice.

Below is the finished product:

Here is a comparison with the original photo. You may notice:

- I've updated my hair cut
- I've enlarged the cross
- My jaw is now clenched
- My back is straighter
- I'm looking generally more mean

There you have it. More images of me to make me happy.

Have I mentioned I love pixel art?


Tuesday, 6 October 2009

Hair cut

I got one. It's shorter, but unlike earlier, the shortest layer is actually quite long. I would show you a photo, but I left my camera cable somewhere that I can't remember. So here's a stylised interpretation. It's pretty much identical to what I currently look like.

Except I have eyes. And I don't have a lock in my forehead. Oh, yeah. I also have a neck. But the hair's spot on.


Little Dragon

My new music interest. It's really tough to beat their Swedish brand of electro-funk-soul. Seriously. Check 'em out, if you haven't yet. Their first album (Little Dragon) was an extremely soulful experience and their second album, Machine Dreams has some great chill-out tracks.


Fly away

Well, I have to say I much prefer Kim's caption for my drawing (image below). Much nicer.

"Wow, I've never been inside a blog before... It's kinda sticky."
-- Kim Ritchie, just then

Monday, 5 October 2009


I feel ill... My stomach is churning. My eyes are sore.

Sunday, 4 October 2009

Radio static

It's just white noise...

...then silence.

Short of breath

While my girl pushes herself to new physical limits, I sit here, short of breath and hoping she'll pop in tonight to tell me about her weekend. I think it's the coffee that's got me panting for some reason. I'm also a little shaky.

It's tough being apart from her so much.

She's such a busy bee and after this weekend, she'll be a fully qualified gym instructor. It boggles the mind how one gorgeous girl can have so much energy. It's been said before, but she really is a powerhouse.

If I could only have one effect on her, it'd be to show her the benefits of giving the body and the soul time to breathe.

Heh heh. We'll get there.

Time for me to finish off this assignment and start on another.

I'm back in town (admittedly, I'm booked until the 11th of this month) and ready to work hard and hopefully see a lot of you people.


I really like hugs.


P.S. Seriously. If you see me, just come up to me and hold me.

Tuesday, 29 September 2009

Misuta Dorira Warudo!

That's right! I've been playing Mr. Driller W (or Mr. Driller World, as it should have been called). This is my first introduction to Mr. Driller and it seems I've been missing out.

Imagine you're mining through tetris-like blocks, with the sole purpose of digging to an exit, kilometers down into the earth's crust. Now, as you drill through a block, it's shattered and will release any blocks that it was previously supporting, causing an avalanch overhead. As blocks collide, patterns of more than 4, same-coloured blocks will vanish, causing further mayhem.

Sound tough? Not yet?

Hmmm... Now add the fact that, in true mining style, oxygen is important. That's right. Instead of digging for jewels, it's precious, life-giving air tanks we need!

As a timer at the side of the screen counts down the amount of air in your lungs, you must avoid the falling blocks, set loose by combos you started way back when.

But not all is woe in the world of Mr. Driller. Blocks of like colours will stick as they fall overhead, often saving you from death, which is always just one mistake away.

You must think many moves ahead, but at the same time this must be done at break-neck speeds.

There are 7 characters and a bonus character to unlock (each with slightly different abilities). Each "country" (level) has an easy, normal and hard mode. A couple of countries are initially available, with more unlocked as stages are beaten. The countries are Japan, China, Russia, Egypt, Brazil, America and two endless stages, the North Pole and the Moon.

A cute, Japanese, action-puzzler that'll keep you coming back for a drilling, time after time ;).

Sunday, 27 September 2009

How could I get it so wrong?

That was a quote from a rather entertaining video of a talk by Pete Rollins.

It really got me thinking.

Who am I to say I've got the answers?

Just chill, Evan.

Yeah. I guess I'm back.

The slow to anger, stupidly chill guy you know. Intense with love, but relaxed and at peace.

Lately I've had whiskers and sharp teeth.

When a call to worship involves the word "prickly" and one can relate, it's definitely time to take stock.

TheSovietChairman (is back)

Saturday, 26 September 2009

Mr. Fantastic

That's me. That's who I am. Ask anyone.

Now this begs a question. Why? I have no idea. For a long time I appreciated people telling me.

Now, I don't think it means much.

I've been told how amazing I am by people - beautiful people - who then go on to say they haven't got the time for me.

Well, we're all busy. I can accept that. But now you won't give me the time of day, let alone spend time with me.

This is old news, perhaps. Yes, I'm bitter. I put in effort, but people don't want to see it. They're embarrassed by it. Some people say they're ashamed of it.

That's strange. Oh, it's because I make you feel bad for not matching me.

Here's news: No one can.

That's why I'm Mr. Fantastic and you're not.

But wait a minute... Now I'm to be ridiculed for who I am? Wait, you liked these traits. Didn't you?

Oh. OK, you still do.

I don't get it. All the energy in the world, but not willing to put it into me.

You're all cowards.

I'm sick of the praise. It's useless. It's mocking. It's spiteful.

Look into my eyes and tell me I'm valuable. Why is that so easy, but a bit of self-reflection would tear your worlds apart?

It's as useful to me as a dead rat, if you won't put in the effort.

All of you need to take a look at yourselves- then punch yourselves in the face. That's what I did. Most days it feels good because I can face everyone, aware firstly of how weak and stupid I am. That's what gives me strength. But I'm running out.

Now that I'm Mr. Fantastic, surely I could have a point. In all likelihood, I'm right. Yes?

You know why I'm exploding? It must be because my efforts are wasted. It must be because I no longer punch myself in the face, because you all said you believed in me. And I believed the stupid hype.

My efforts? They weren't even wanted.

If you do believe in me, you're a fool. Believe in Him.

He took the ultimate punch to the face.

But if you do believe in Him, try putting your priorities in an appropriate order. Try putting others before yourself.

In fact- put ALL OTHERS before yourself.

Yes, I will say it: Grow up.

Wanna know how? I've got a Good Book, and some finger painting equipment. There's a good place to start.

All my love,

The Rat.

Tuesday, 22 September 2009


It's only the first page, but here's a preview until I work out what to do with it.

If you want, you can request a copy to read, but I might work on getting it published, so I won't make it generally available.

Much love,


P.S. Thank you so much, Kim, for bringing the characters to (some strange form of) life.

P.P.S. Copyright Evan and Kim Ritchie, 2009

Sunday, 20 September 2009

Who's the greatest?

That was the sermon today. It was about a true understanding of the example of Christ. From the old testament we see a King, worthy of worship. We should shout praises to this mighty King. But what is this King's nature?

We see the King take the role of servant to all.

We heard how Jesus's disciples misunderstood what it means to be great. They were bickering about who would hold higher rank in God's kingdom, and Jesus told them that we must come last to come first.

Lately, I've been told that there's no one better than me in many areas. That I fill a role that no one, yet, has shown aptitude for.

But still I can't be trusted with responsibility? It may be delicate, but those simple words say; "I trust you'll take care of it. It's yours right now."

I wrote a short story today. It was the best one yet. Not really because of any real skill on my behalf, but because my wonderful sister took it upon herself to draw a series of illustrations for it.

Lots of people enjoyed it. One wouldn't give comment. Others said it was well told, but too...

Well, you'll read it soon enough. I can't let you read it without Kim's pictures, so I'll take the time to make a proper pdf of it.

Much love - the driving force of the universe - to you all.

Enjoy your break, UniMelb students,


Friday, 18 September 2009

Sorry, Dad. Sorry, Mum.

I'm so sorry that this is what I became. But the community really is amazing.

"...a community built on love..."

PAX 09 - Fanboy Stigmata from Fangamer on Vimeo.


I'm not good at staying grumpy.

And that makes me grumpy as I eat delicious risotto, then apple and custard tart.


This is lovely. Awesome work, A-.

Oh, wait...


Wednesday, 16 September 2009

Sick and tired

Well, apparently that's what I am. Why am I so grumpy? I've got so much good stuff going on, surely there's nothing that could be troubling me.

I'm tired of talking into a black hole. I give long and emotional input and receive cold, pre-recorded nonsense. People generally don't know much about anything of importance. Why not? I'm not sure. The greatest instruction manual tells us exactly what these key concepts mean. It leaves a lot for us to figure out, but at least we know some of the parameters.

If you don't know the definition, look it up. Look it up in ancient, tested guides. Look it up in popular culture. Look it up and if it doesn't apply to you, then tell me.

Then I can protect myself. Then I can help all you people who need, well, possibly jut a simple dictionary. I may not know how to spell, but what I do know is more fundamental. A few easy definitions.

It's easy. You make it hard.


Thursday, 10 September 2009

This is for her

You don't deserve me. I don't deserve you. The neither of us has done anything so worthy as to be deserving of each other. Or of our positions in life. Or of God's great gift. We aren't worthy, but still they are ours.

You lack so much, yes. But you have gifts abounding, such that I feel so very inadequate. We are both equally inadequate. Therefore we are perfectly adequate. I have no idea whatsoever what you mean by focus and drive, of which you are blessed to have far more than me, in a general sense.

What boundaries might you push? The boundaries of my love? There are none. You could make me very miserable, but you will never have to earn my love.

Some days I feel that people understand very little of what it is to love. I love those that people tell me to hate. I'm strange. To truly love is to love unconditionally and selfishly, as we learn from He who first taught us.

I will let you be who you want to be. Or who you are. Or whatever. Let me be who I'm meant to be. Your husband.

You may not be fascinated by me forever, but I will love you forever and remain with you forever. Reminds me of a song. But less whiny.

If you leave me, can I come too?
We can always stay
But if you leave me, can I come too?
And if you go, can I come too?

-- Mental As Anything

Don't be afraid. Or do. But be joyous as well.

Thank you for the pick-me-up today. Your laugh loosened the muscles in my face and warmed me amidst the wind's chill on the walk back.



P.S. My lyrics would read:

If you leave me, still I will smile
We will always stay
'Cause if you leave me, I will come too
And if you go, I'll still love you

P.P.S. There is no point promising not to cause each other pain. We will. But you don't need to promise never to leave my side. You don't need to be by my side, so long as you let me be by yours. :)

Wednesday, 9 September 2009

This isn't for her

Because this is old news.

I promise to look after you.
I promise to stay by your side until I die.
I promise to work hard for growth in our faith, financial security and happiness.
I promise that I will always cherish you.
I promise that I will always try and be someone you're proud of.
I promise to never stop loving you.

Forever yours,

Evan Ritchie

Monday, 7 September 2009

I can't do this justice

Seriously. This is why I'm a Mechatronics Engineering student.

Simply amazing. Fully remote-controlled. Voice modulator included. This was a birthday present project organised by the birthday boy's father.

Happy birthday, Jono!

Happy birthday indeed.

Wednesday, 2 September 2009

A kidney, anyone?

Seriously. It's yours for the price of two tickets to see Up.

Monday, 31 August 2009

Well, that was rubbish

Pretty much everyone gave up. Most people were useless. One boy reached out to me. Thanks for the hugs, JD.

I was immature this afternoon. I said some (completely justified) words, but forgot to do it out of earshot of the sister.

Oh, well. If she doesn't want to talk to me, then she's not worth it. Her sister is being stupid and petty and I'm not gonna lie and try and smile, when someone's going out of their way to make things painful for me.

EDIT: That was confusing... Who's the sister and.. what? Look, the one who is annoying is being annoying and her sister isn't. That being said, I haven't heard from Miss Nasty's sis in a few days, so we'll see...


P.S. More hugs would be appreciated...

Thursday, 20 August 2009

Sweetest Flower

I never needed you to gaze in my eyes
Just to look the same direction
A life-long song, a true connection

You can't want someone all the time
But you want them forever
A changing heart leaves no reason why

-- Sweetest Flower, Gerry Doyle

Now, I love this song, but I know nothing about it. I can't find anything at all on the interwebs and these few verses I typed out aren't even the prettiest. He sings with a beautiful accent, but it obscures some of the lyrics.

Please, if anyone knows anything about it, I'd like some help.

I've got the CD and that tells me nothing at all.


A haiku

Ritchie is his name
He has a beard like Jesus
His pants are too tight

-- Em Carter, 2009

Wednesday, 19 August 2009


[] 18/8
[] 19/8
[] 20/8
[] 21/8
[] 22/8
[] 23/8
[1.1.*.] 24/8

All talk and no action, well, it doesn't get rather a lot done. It's time for me to be accountable to myself, so I'm working very hard on study, eating right, Bible Study, etc.

I'm going to keep a table here which will chart my efforts and I will try and keep it up-to-date.

It's a simple system. I'll keep it largely binary. There are seven fields, which correspond (in order) to:

- Breakfast
- Lunch
- Dinner
- Gym
- Jog
- Bible Study
- General Study

The idea is this: If I have approached satisfactorily each element for each day, then I get a '1'. If I have been a bad boy in an area, I get a '0'. If it hasn't been determined yet (I probably won't use this state very often, unless I intend to update before the day is through) then I get an '*'. Simple, yes? Now I can't hide from what I should be doing. Or indeed hide it from anyone who wants to call me up on it.


Tuesday, 11 August 2009

Makin' up a song about...

Coraline was beautiful. Not as beautiful as my beautiful girl, but a sight to behold. So much so that I saw it twice. Cinema Nova was much nicer than Melbourne Central. The 3D glasses were better, the screen was clearer and everything was happiness. Me and my good friend drank organic apple juice and munched ice-cream sandwiches and had a blast.

Although, on the whole, it couldn't really compare to my weekend. That was delightful. I hope her family members approve. We went out to dinner with two sets of uncle-aunt-children on Saturday. On Sunday we showed another set around our fun lovely city. It's always hard to part from her company.

Today's weather reinforced the fact that the skies are always more grey when she's not around...

Uni was fun today. I discovered that the most disgusting this to watch is someone reanimate a corpse. We watched videos in class of pieces of cadavers with wires through them being moved to try and calculate the force needed to do certain actions.


I hope my girl gets back into her house alright. Lockouts are a pain.


Missing lots of you...


Sunday, 9 August 2009

Wow. I guess nobody reads this...

Well, I don't blame you.

Actually I do. I have no real intention of becoming a transvestite. I just wanted to inspire some egotistical conversation. Ah, well. On to more important news.

I'm very upset. The pinnacle of my Melbourne dining experience stops (not according to the reviewers, necessarily) with Dainty Sichuan in the CBD. Tonight, after one of the most memorable weekends of my life, I had to face the cold, hard facts. In fact, I'll let you read it for yourself...


P.S. Thank you, My Love. Thank you for your trust and your hope and your love, that you always seem to underestimate, but will always give me strength.

Most importantly, thank you Lord for watching over us and helping us to grow in love and faith. Thank you for working in those around us and loving us always.

Monday, 3 August 2009


I know some people think I'm pretty close as it is, but in reality I'm barely making an effort.

Let's be serious for a moment.

Do you think I could rock being a fully-fledged transvestite?

Please respond.


P.S. No, seriously. Whadya think? Maybe wait til I secure a job? After I get married perhaps? Hmmm... I'm looking for feedback here...

Wednesday, 29 July 2009

Tough day

My day's OK. I've had just one class today.

I hope your day improves, My Love. The responsibility and duties you hold are beyond my comprehension. You're so very talented. You thank me for treating you with respect. Why? How could I not respect someone who's so accomplished, caring, faithful and clever?

"Academic misconduct... is bad"

This is what my lecturer told me. Before he proceeded to make fun of all the unnecessary bureaucracy involved in each subject. He also mentioned he's completely fine with plagiarism. Apparently plagiarism is good in that at least the student will have copied out the method and learned something. Much better than handing in nothing, says he. Student collaboration is what Engineering is about, apparently. I think I'm gonna like this class.

It's been great to get back into study. Ooh, and my nails are now red and green. I know it's not Christmas, but it's still a nice, colourful combination. I'm looking forward to Bible Study tonight. It'll be great to read God's word and discuss it with my friends at "The Old Vic".

"My apartment... the home where I hide... away from all the darkness outside" -- My Apartment, Ben Kweller

It's good to be back at HQ.

We'll make it through,


Sunday, 26 July 2009

More soon

I'm just getting settled in at the moment, so I'll post more soon...

It's starting to get dark...


Thursday, 16 July 2009

Pigmask soldier vector (Mother 3)

Here's something. Using this little piggy (a pigmask army soldier sprite, courtesy of Nintendo, from the GBA game, Mother 3) I decided that, using none of my own artistic talent, I would create as close vector version of this little piggy, using the original colours and approximating any intended detail (to a minimal extent), as I possibly could. Once you've got your head around that last sentence, check it out.

Here's the little piggy

And here's the vector approximation. Pretty huh? If it were up to me, he'd have red leather gloves, shiny, black leather boots with straps and other nice things, but... that wasn't the point of the exercise. Also here's a nice comparison. Enjoy.


Wednesday, 15 July 2009

Bulb II

Goodness. Thanks for the rush of responses...

*sound of tumbleweed*

I guess if you gotta get something done, you gotta do it yourself. I tested out Inkscape and knocked this up fairly quickly. Looks rather pretty, if I do say so myself. Still, if anyone has any ideas, or programs of preference, drop me a line.


P.S. Hmmm... The big green fellow's eyes would look better if they were larger... Meh.