Wednesday, 4 January 2012


This is my first post about married life. Before I begin, I'll leave you with a snippet of a conversation I had the other day:

An IM discussion on adults playing with toys:


 Adam:  heh
where do you keep them all?
 me:  the spare parts?
Well these 2 guys come with an orange plastic container just for that purpose
But most of my other figures don't have special containers, so I just keep the spare parts rattling around in their original boxes, packed away in the cupboard
See, Mum and Dad?!
This is what happens when I'm not allowed videogames and action figures as a child!!
 Adam:  hahaha
me:  Amen :)

Slightly pointless rant:

There are a few good rules which I find useful in governing human interaction, but none have been as effective as the "kindness" rule. It is simple: Whether it be to greet, inform, reprimand or console, ensure that in any interaction you show kindness. If there has been conflict it can usually be blamed on a lack of kindness. This is one such rule that helps give me security in my relationships. I don't always follow it, and it doesn't always work, but it's the most reliably effective governing attitude I've come across.

I can think of one such time where I didn't follow it recently. But we'll get into that in another post (Painted Nail Blues).

I have found such enormous security in my new wife, and our life together. Not financial security, or physical security, but security of good-will. When either of us is under the whether, the other has been going from strength to strength in developing their ability to come to the aid of the other, without being overbearing. Teeng finds just the right words, and is ever practical in her solutions to some difficulty I might be having. I've found resources to do more and more when she needs help.

She's not the kind of girl who just wants an ear to listen, in the manner all the marriage books seem to suggest- she wants a hand. If she's frustrated but knows the solution she'll tell you where she's at with the proceedings, but if she's having difficulty with something, she'd much prefer I do something about it.

We've noticed that many of the suggestions on how men work, and how women work in the context of marriage - as found in various marriage guidance books - are wrong, or inappropriate. One in particular talks about women needing to groom a man's ego if you'd like him to participate in some "women's" activities. And I think I know why she's different from everything I've been told: She's a person, not a gender.

Many women (let's be honest) are used to being overburdened with menial tasks, but have many important decision-based responsibilities taken from them, so when they want to talk about a problem they're having, they are sick of someone stomping over their ground-work. They're the one having the concerns, and they know the most about it- so who better to solve the problem?

Our relationship looks a little different (which has made many people used to traditional roles in marriage very nervous). Teeng's very resourceful. She's got more knowledge of finances than I have. She's been working longer. She's run her own house for some time now, whereas I'm very new to this business. If there's an obvious solution, she'll have made a decision, tried it and then worked from that point. And she knows she has my trust. And if something goes wrong, there's no-one to blame, we both know she tried. And vice versa. She's empowered. She doesn't need enabling. She's strong and knowledgable, and for that (and so many other reason) I love her. She has so many resources at her finger-tips, and I'm just one of them.

Various people in our lives have seen something unusual in the way we act. Some people are intimidated by the fact that we're such a powerhouse, and feel that perhaps either she's too strong (how does that even make sense?) or I'm not keeping her in line. When you say it out loud, it's as ludicrous as it sounds, but you'd be surprised. If I disagree with something and suggest an alternative, nobody bats an eye-lid, but when she does it'll often raise eye-brows.

We are equals, with varied talents- a blessing and resource to each other. But I am not her keeper. And for that I praise God.

From the start, she often lead the way- in romance and in discovery. I've never been attracted to women who take a back seat, whether by nature or training. Every girlfriend I've ever had has been self-sufficient and vibrant, a pillar for others to look to, a smile that lifts people up. A leader.

The way I'd hope everyone to be. If you can't take charge sometimes, then it's time you reclaimed your life.

I strongly disagree with those who'd suggest that a man should lead the way. We're each given gifts, and Teeng and I are both masters of our own destinies (only in a sense, God is the true master). And we chose to join our lives together. And if either one of us can see a clear path, why should physical appearance override our ability to offer a way forward?

Here's were I started writing again, after that little rant. And a few days' wait. All I really wanted to talk about is the beginning of our life together. And it's been such a great start. Up until the wedding itself, I thought that all of this preparation might just be a way to test our relationship under pressure- but her words made me realise this couldn't be the case; "What's there to worry about? I'm going to be there, the groom's going to be there- Peta's going to marry us. And our friends will have fun."

And she was right. The only stress we had to worry about was the most pointless variety: Anxiety about whether we'd be anxious or not. The mental equivalent of screaming; "DON'T ANYBODY PANIC, OR YOU'LL RUIN EVERYTHING!"

The day was easily the happiest of my life. I hope she had fun, too. The ceremony was perfectly pitched: It highlighted a fantastic balance between the joy and gravity of this commitment- and in all ways acknowledged God as the buoyancy that will keep our marriage sailing along, past sun-drenched beaches and through terrible storms. Using the same analogy, I'm reminded of the story of Jesus calming the storm, beginning at Mark 4:35. It not only serves to show God's power through Jesus, but also has a message concerning a life following Jesus. It doesn't mean we'll be free from storms, but when we face any turbulence in our relationship, we'll come out the other side.

Our three weeks away, beginning with 3 or 4 days by ourselves, was a lovely way to step into married life. We stayed in a ridiculous hotel (The Marina Bay Sands- I suggest you have a quick Google) courtesy of Uncle Lee, and we swam in the Infinity Pool on the roof.

Before any of that could happen, we had to wait for our luggage to arrive. Thanks, Jetstar, for losing our clothes for a few days. It really showed us that despite the hiccough, we were able to celebrate the beginning of our life together and be at ease no matter what happened.

After meeting up with many friends, and sitting through several "wedding dinners", and travelling around Malaysia and Singapore, as depicted below, we returned home to finish unwrapping wedding gifts, and to enjoy each other's company in our new home:

We've had lots of fun setting up our new house with all the wedding gifts we've recieved- like our new piano,  light-up numbers for our house, books and board games and art works and so many fantastic gifts. We're so thankful for the amazing start we've been given.

There will be many more joyful posts of marital bliss (I apologise in advance) and others about silly trinkets or nail polish patterns. I hope you'll stick around. I want to thank you all for your company, your friendship and you kind wishes from across the ocean.

Much love to you all,



  1. I'm so glad to hear that things are going well for you :) The pictures were so much fun; thank you for posting them!

  2. Congratulations again Evan. I miss your face :)

  3. Thanks, Emmy :).

    It was good to see you again, "Sophie"- A fair bit of you, actually- that was a NICE dress ;).

    Seen the hounds yet? :P

    I miss you, too. *Squeeze*

  4. "Oh no, not more soppy business!.." - Was this what you were expecting from your audience?
    Hang on just one second, why do you think we read this blog? :P

  5. I was here. Congratulations once again, Evan :)