Tuesday, 13 July 2010


I'm just waiting until I have real internets, I guess... Here're some thoughts. If you want to hear them as they play out in my head, then do as follows: Get three friends, and take turns reading a word each from the following paragraph to most accurately synthesise the sound of my thoughts.

I'm so glad I've got her. And she's got me. When we were apart I tried to get my heart moving in a new direction. How could I reconcile these three facts? 1. I had irrevocably given my heart to her. 2. I have to love someone, faithfully, for the rest of my life. 3. She didn't want me. That's where I was. It turns out that the answer was bigger and simpler than I could have guessed. We both tried to move on. I thought this time was for me- we couldn't be friends until I could function normally around her. But when the truth was told, the time was for her. She couldn't give her heart to anyone but the persistent boy who sought it with such relentless effort- not her affection, or favour, but knowledge and understanding of her hopes and concerns and the things she thought were beautiful, once the jaded exterior was chipped away. It seemed like she couldn't wait to throw off the broken heart of this boy, which haunted her. I was wrong. She was weighing up her options and she found that what she needed wasn't financial security or social credibility or someone from her field- she needed someone to keep seeking her heart and rejoicing in it. She came to this on her own, but I was scared. I didn't have faith, where I should have. My Father in heaven knows the desires of my heart, and more importantly, the needs. I wasn't patient and someone amazing got hurt. I wish I could send a message to her community to tell them to put their arms around her and shelter her from the storm I created. Those three irreconcilable facts could only be understood in the context of God's plan. But I didn't wait for that- and that amazing girl pays the price. I've apologised, and sought care for her, but is it enough? I get to marry the most incredible woman I've ever met, but there's a kind, faithful girl who suffers still. She's giving me a chance to speak with her again. What do I say? I want to live the way I should- when I'm studying God's word, going to the gym, reading lectures, speaking truth and working hard, I feel good! God has given me so many great gifts! I want to live in response to them! And I want to tell people about the greatest one of all: A relationship with The Creator, all because of His Son, Jesus Christ!


P.S. Sorry about the intensity of this post- I may yet delete it. I also apologise for any spelling mistakes. Blogging from my phone makes things like that slightly more difficult.


  1. Never apologise for intensity, passion is everything.


  2. Thanks, Eric :). I can't wait 'til I'm back in the Big Smoke. Then we can get that drink :).

  3. Your thoughts are artwork in themselves, though the artist is a bit iffy... ;)

  4. Its good to get out your thoughts like this. Its hard, I'm sure, but its also theraputic. I'm very happy for you and the love of your life, and as for the other girl who got hurt, I'm sure she'll forgive you; I've been that other girl more than once, and eventually, it gets easier to let it go, especially when the person who hurts you is a good guy. Then, forgiving them seems like the right thing to do.

  5. Evan, dear, I miss you. :)

    If I may just say, that perhaps before you worry too much about what to say, you should prepare yourself to listen.

    I know all will work out well for all parties involved. Just don't repeat the same mistakes, and this time be patient and have faith that things will work out well.

    I miss the not!chickens too. ;)
    Oh and you forget that I was engaged to you too. My heart still aches from time to time, but *sigh* I think I can recover.

    Love and hugs as always,

  6. Thanks, y'all! It means a lot to have such ready kindness out of nowhere :).