Wednesday, 7 April 2010

Turn 180

Repent. That's what I need to do. That's what I'm doing. It's written down in black and white. I've disclosed everything. Everything I did. This afternoon was dedicated to showing every gory detail to someone I love. She listened to every hiccough I've had along the way. She didn't say a word until I'd finished. I told her everything. EVERYTHING. You hear? Wow. When I'd stopped, she laughed and smiled and held me. You thought I wouldn't love you after that? I was so scared that you'd go cold, and give very practical advice, but never look at me with that affection and care I'm used to. I was scared. But God protected me. God gave you strength to hear what I had to say. Not just that. He had such a plan! We wrote it all out. It's here for me to come back to when I'm doubting myself. I have goals. I love you. I love her. I love her. I love you. I can be myself; that which God wants me to be. I can love properly. I have safeguards. It's time to really make sure I'm living in the light. What happened Monday night wasn't acceptable. There was so much beauty to come out of it, but at the cost of tearing some more of myself. I will be worthwhile. Do your best to help me along the Way. Join me.

Tonight was a night of barhopping. From Little Creatures Dining Hall to Black Cat to Bimbo Deluxe, it was a good night. A Bloody Mary, a James Squire India Pale Ale and a Calabrese pizza. Then a wobbly ride back.

I'm still a little wobbly.

I love you.


P.S. This is also the happiest I've been in a long, long time.


  1. Perhaps drawing birdies does help, darling.

    Even if that one looks like he's been a lot more than wobbly...

    Happy is good. Happy is great.


  2. It's hard to say everything, isn't it? But the relief that comes afterwards? It's beautiful. I'm so glad you're back to feeling happy. :)

  3. Best of luck with everything! I'm praying for you :)

  4. Everyday is a new day, take one step at a time :)

  5. Thanks, y'all :). You're all great!