Wednesday, 28 April 2010

Why write it down?

I don't want to know him. I don't want to hear his voice. That would make it harder. The whole point is to make things easier.

I've seen it many times. Mostly he's just a largish man, usually in a leather jacket for some reason. I'm walking up Lygon and he's walking down. I have gloves to shield myself against the cold. They also prevent fingerprints.

I have a Russian friend who told me that whenever she sees me, I look different. A slight change in hair style, beard length or outfit and I look like someone new.

To this end, I always see myself clean-shaven. If something went wrong - If he saw me and I hadn't finished what I set out to do - I'd need to be unrecognisable again. In most of the available photographs of me, I'm sporting a neatly-trimmed beard. Once I change, people easily forget what I used to look like. Laying low for a week would return my face to its present state.

I know he wouldn't recognise me, but I've studied his every feature. I met him once. He was seated. I've estimated his stature from photos taken with friends of mine. I've hunted down every available reference- from public computers, so my own laptop isn't linked to him.

He would be difficult to bring down. I might have to be satisfied with tearing a hole in his belly and leaving him to die- Although it would be nice to see it through to the end. I'm so glad this area of town is filled with back-streets, back-alleys and all manner of get-away possibilities. My own house is so close.

My knife slips out of my sleeve and into my hand with the same smooth motion that I use to drive it into him. He will never know why I couldn't let him live.

Why is it that the people who are smart enough to get away with it are too smart to do it in the first place?

Let's see how smart I am.


Thank you, God, for a beautiful weekend in wonderful company. Thank you, God, for the tears of happiness. Thank you for the healing.

Restore my heart for you, when it runs to dark, childish places.

Parody is an excellent tool for brightening up a miserable thought.



  1. Wow...that's really dark...Is everything okay? If you need to talk, let me know... (and yes, parody is a good thing to use when feeling dark and depressed--my friend Kiity recommends Juvenal) ;)

  2. I'm looking Juvenal up! No, I'm quite happy :). I'm just working away on an assignment in the wee hours of the morning, so I can't help but let my imagination wander...

    Thanks heaps for the offer, though :). A friend was commenting on how this blog and so many others are proof that people just want to reach out. People actually do want to help.

    And some of us want to hide corpses.

    But not me :).

    I'm happy to just run.

  3. The not!chicken is so innocent.
    He could never, ever. :)

    I'm glad you are quite happy doll.
    And that you don't want to hide corpses.
    Both things make me happy.

    Many kisses,

  4. have the words run dry already? 3 days without a new post... very disappointed, TSC.